Behavioral CUSP Academy

The Stages of Parenting: A Comprehensive Guide for Parents

May 14 / Stephanie Ammari, MS BCBA
Parenting is a journey that evolves as your child grows. Understanding the different phases and what to teach at each stage can help you navigate this journey more effectively. Here’s a comprehensive guide on the stages of parenting, from teaching to becoming friends and advisors.

Checking in with our Parent like a Professional Crew

Teaching

Teaching starts from day one. During these early years, it's essential to focus on foundational skills that will serve your child throughout their life.

Common Ages for Teaching

  • Infants to 10 years old

Key Areas to Focus On

  • How to Hear “No”: Teaching children to accept limits and boundaries is crucial for their development.
  • Rule Following: Understanding the difference between rules at home and in other settings like playgrounds.
  • Following Basic Instructions: Simple tasks and instructions build a foundation for more complex learning.
  • Chores and Self-help: Encouraging responsibility and independence through age-appropriate chores.
  • Modeling Screen Time Activities: Demonstrating healthy habits and appropriate use of technology.
  • Modeling Appropriate Play: Showing how to play nicely with others.
  • Modeling Social and Conversational Skills: Teaching manners and effective communication.
  • Foundational Skills: Problem-solving, following instructions, and making requests appropriately.
  • Sharing: Sitting with them, modeling, and reinforcing sharing behavior.

Consequences

  • Ensure you have taught the right way by including all steps.
  • Evaluate their understanding and readiness for the next level.

Readiness for Directing

  • Demonstrating skills in novel situations and with different people.
  • Seeking help when needed, like walking to school independently.

Directing 

Directing involves more guidance and less direct teaching. It's about setting clear expectations and helping children navigate their world.

Common Ages for Teaching

  • From around 3 to 18 years old.

Difference Between Directing and Yelling

  • Directing: Emotion-free guidance, usually before the behavior to prevent mistakes.
  • Yelling: Emotional response, typically after an undesired behavior.

Key Areas to Focus On

  • Clear Rules and Expectations: Frequent reminders initially, tapering off as consistency improves.
  • Sharing: Reinforcing rules and expectations.
  • Preemptive Conversations: Discussing potential scenarios and appropriate responses.

Consequences

  • Clear expectations facilitated by parents and stakeholders.

Readiness for Coaching

  • Successfully making decisions with more freedom and less supervision.
  • Appropriately answering questions about expected behaviors.Coaching

Coaching

Coaching offers a balance of guidance and independence, preparing children for adulthood.

Common Ages for Coaching

  • From around 11 to 21 years old

Difference Between Directing and Coaching

  • Directing: More hands-on and instructional.
  • Coaching: Guidance with more autonomy for the child.

Benefits of Coaching

  • Builds trust and freedom.
  • Prepares them for independence by learning from natural consequences.

Consequences

  • Natural environment facilitates learning.

Friends 

Becoming friends with your child marks a new relationship phase, emphasizing support rather than guidance.

When to Become Friends

  • Not age-dependent but based on financial independence

Problems with Becoming Friends Too Soon

  • Dual relationship confusion.
  • Lack of essential guidance and structure.
  • Parents provide unique support that friends cannot.

Importance of Each Phase

  • Ensures structured growth and the ability to say no when necessary.

Advisors

In the advisor phase, parents offer support and insights without direct consequences for their child’s decisions.

Role as Advisors

  • Providing guidance when sought.
  • Consequences no longer directly affect the parent, offering a more removed perspective.

Conclusion

Parenting is a dynamic process that changes as your child grows. By understanding and adapting to each phase—teaching, directing, coaching, and eventually becoming friends and advisors—you can provide the best support and guidance for your child's development. Remember, the goal is to equip them with the tools they need to navigate life successfully and independently.