So, the gist of this blog is not necessarily that parents need to say 'no' more frequently. Instead, this post is about how our children respond to hearing 'no,' and what we as parents can do better when we decide the answer is ' no.'
Most people, universally, do not enjoy being told 'no' especially if it was something they desired.
Even for adults, hearing 'no' almost always comes with some level of disappointment.
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No, I didn't get the raise.
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No, we didn’t get the house we wanted.
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No, I can't eat that extra cookie if I want to stick to my healthy eating plan.
Being told 'no' can be disappointing, but it's also guaranteed to happen in our children's lives. So, it's best for parents to work on teaching kids how to best understand 'no,' respect it, and manage the resulting emotions.
And my cautionary tale is this: if your child, by the age of three, does not respect 'no' – meaning you tell her 'no' but she does it anyway, you'll really be in trouble. You can only imagine what the outcome will be when she is a teenager and wants to go to a party but you say 'no.'
You first need to identify what stage your child is in and choose a way that best suits your unique family dynamic.
The best thing that you can do is to start when your child is a baby. Around the 8-10 month range, babies begin to recognize the word 'no,' but they might not respond to it.
In determining whether my son was ready to start working on the skill of stopping after hearing 'no,' I simply tested that he reacted after it was said.
My son is a one-man demolition derby and wants to get into EVERYTHING. He wants to put cords in his mouth, climb on the dog, pull down the table lamp – anything dangerous, he's into it.
So, I simply put him in a situation where I knew he was going to go toward something that he wasn't supposed to get. Then I said clearly, 'no,' to which he stopped and turned to look at me. He then smiled and went right back to it. (What a stinker!)
